


let's unfold one another

by haipollai



Category: Captain America (Comics)
Genre: M/M, PTSD, dealing with the consequences, silent communication, trained to be a killer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:07:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve knows what Bucky does, when he trades in the bright blue and red for something dark, almost black. When he wears the domino mask not to hide his identity, but to hide pale skin. His hair just brushes his eyes and he doesn't bother to push it aside as he checks his gun one last time.</p>
<p>He doesn't look at Steve as he leaves. He never looks at Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let's unfold one another

Steve knows what Bucky does, when he trades in the bright blue and red for something dark, almost black. When he wears the domino mask not to hide his identity, but to hide pale skin. His hair just brushes his eyes and he doesn't bother to push it aside as he checks his gun one last time.

He doesn't look at Steve as he leaves. He never looks at Steve.

A few hours later, sometimes longer, but not often. On longer missions, Steve and the Invaders go as back up and distraction. These short ones is just Bucky in and out. He comes back and baths. Even when they were in Bastogne, he builds a small fire just to melt some snow. He pours the water, still hot over his hands. Hissing at the shock of heat but there's no other reaction.

Steve doesn't try to talk to him at first. He knows he can't understand. Bucky's a boy, but with the blood of men on his hands. It is more then the burden of a soldier. In a few hours, he'll fish out chocolate and offer it to Bucky, if Bucky takes it, he knows it's okay. If not, he waits a little bit longer before repeating his offer one more time.

When they have something resembling privacy, Steve takes Bucky's hands in his. Covers and hides them from view even as he grips them tightly.

It'll be okay, he breathes.

Bucky smiles. He won't say anything until the next day. Not to Steve. Toro sometimes, or even Namor can get a sarcastic response. Somehow Steve is special and he's tried to explain that he isn't. But Steve is given other luxuries.

When they have something resembling privacy, Bucky lets Steve slip into bed with him. He presses close when Steve wraps his arms around him while Bucky tries to sleep. He never sleeps very well but Steve never leaves. Not that night or the next. Not until they're sent out on another mission. But Steve is there to hold his hands, if nothing else, he'll hold Bucky's hand.

-

Steve wakes up when he hears the door open. He never sleeps well when Bucky is out on a mission. He shuffles out to the living room, knowing Bucky will be there. He's at the coffee table, sitting on the hardwood floor.

On the table is his gun.

There's the crinkle of paper and Steve realizes he's eating chocolate. Just a small piece, but it makes him smile.

Steve makes sure to shuffle his feet so Bucky hears him coming. He kneels behind him and carefully removes first the domino mask, dropping it to the floor. He reaches for Bucky's jacket next, finding the hidden zipper from long practice. Bucky doesn't try to stop him but he doesn't move to help either.

Under the jacket was a t-shirt. Steve doesn't try to touch that, not yet. He moves to sit next to Bucky and takes his handgun and the knife at his waist, the only on that Steve can reach. Bucky's looking at him when he's done and Steve reaches for his hands, holding them tightly between his.

They sit like that for a little bit before Bucky stands. He doesn't try to free his hands from Steve so Steve has no choice but to get up with him.

"Shower?" Steve asks softly. Bucky nods and lets Steve lead the way. In the bathroom, Steve strips down first and gets the water started, letting go of Bucky to step in. He keeps his head under the spray, giving Bucky the semblance of privacy. After a moment, Steve hears the door opening and Bucky is close enough to touch. The only part of them that connects is their hands. Steve backs up so Bucky can be under the water. He watches him for a minute, eyes closed against the water, hair plastered to his head. There are no new marks on him. The mission had gone well. 

Steve carefully frees his hand to reach for the soap. He starts on Bucky's hands, working the lather between his fingers and under his nails, until his skin is red. Slowly he moves up one arm and then down the other and under his touch, Bucky relaxes. Tension seeps out of him until he takes a small shuffling step forward and rests his head on Steve's shoulder.

Steve lets the water wash off the soap and holds Bucky close. When Bucky starts to feel like a raisin, Steve turns the water off. Bucky moves more on his own now, drying himself off. Steve pushes his hair off of his forehead, kissing the furrow between his eyebrows.

It'll be okay, he whispers against Bucky's skin.

Bucky nods but he doesn't talk. His hands remain at his side, not reaching for Steve. So Steve reaches for him, putting Bucky's hands on his hips.

It'll be okay, Steve repeats. And he'll say it over and over until Bucky wakes up. Until he finally looks at Steve and stops seeing all the what ifs that end in him being alone. Eventually he'll start to remember a happy ending or two.

Slowly, Bucky's hands move over his skin, hooking together behind Steve's back. Steve reminds himself that the mission went okay, and that's even worse then when things go wrong. It's karmic approval and a personal reminder that Bucky knows how to do this. He's good at this. Sometimes Steve longs for a bad mission, some excuse to tell Bucky stop. Except this is who Bucky is, who he's been shaped into.

Steve just hopes he can remind Bucky he's still a person too. Under the blood, Bucky Barnes is still there. His Bucky. Who makes bad plans and doesn't smile enough and sometimes gets too caught up in his own head.

Their ritual isn't quite complete yet. He gently nudges Bucky towards bed. Bucky wraps his arms around Steve, and Steve covers his hands with his own.

Bucky lets out a shaky breath by Steve's ear. There are no words, not yet. Maybe in the morning he'll wake up to Bucky teasing him about being a bad cook. It doesn't really matter if Bucky needs longer, Steve is used to this, and in the end it'll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> shameless sappy fluff is shameless  
> Title from Just Be by Paloma Faith


End file.
